First of all I want to mention to others here on the Forum and those who happen to read this that this whole thread may make no sense to you at all. I am not attempting here to construct a conversation that will make perfect "sense" on this side ... I have reached beyond that actually. So with all of the love that I have in me at the moment I simply say .... read... understand or not.... not my problem.
Thankyou Flow for your participation in all of this, We thought of you during that Vegas trip but of course had no idea at the time that you were so desperately ill and thats why you were not answering Mikados calls to join us. I think that some of us realized that something was terribly wrong but of course you were so good that we couldn't see past your wall. Mikado was the only one of us who could not let go of the feeling... he was the only one of us that kept after the answers until he found them.
Dancing is better than marching. I keep that thought in front of me,and of course this thread is dedicated to you.
Green Eyes. I woke with a start about an hour ago. The wind is howling here as it always does when there is a change in the weather coming. I am sure that the charge in the air has shifted and you know how that affects me.
So I have some questions for you that I am going to post.
Has it been you all along? This entire effort since Paul developed an interest in this biography about my Dad. Was that you all along?
Janoshek. Are you reading this? You contacted Paul to tell him about Dad. What was it that inspired you to do that? A fleeting thought that just lodged itself there until you had to act on it?
And then afterward.... why in the world would Paul even pay attention to that inspiration? Was it because the timing was so precise? Knowing the man now its amazing that you caught him in a receptive moment but there he was! Was just the smallest nudge all that was needed? Or am I crediting you with something that you had absolutely nothing to do with?
Was your input later when Paul started veering off course with his interest in fusion? You yourself stepped up and introduced yourself to him and started this long dialogue which actually took him to the point where he had a 600 page manuscript completed, if not edited. Was that the plan... to only go that far?
And then of course....there I was. Just sitting out here watching the sun rise and set over the desert ... thinking that everything that I had put in those black trunks was going to stay in those black trucks....and when you walked up to me at Shadetrees corral my whole world split open.
And now.... its happening again and I wonder if I even have the strength for all of this. Emotionally I feel like I am someones favorite battlefield. What do you want of me NOW.
Mikado said that you would be seeing him soon. He asked if he should call me when you are there and I said NO.... that I didn't think that I could bear to hear the sound of your voice.
So.... I will wait to just see what this all means.
Maybe its just silly writing my thoughts here but in the oddest of ways I think that my words might reach you ... though I know that you have no need of the printed word in any media. I need it maybe. Throwing my thoughts out there in your direction is something I have to do.
Now I am going to press " send" and just see if this message will go or if it will simply disappear. Either way... I have done what I needed to do ...