Of Dreams and Reality

[TheTraveler]

Greetings all,

Wow, where to start? Well, I guess the best place is to start at the end!

I know that this is liable to cause some comments by Linda and maybe others; with some of it being negative towards me. So, for any of you reading who don't like what I have to say, it really does not matter to me. This will be my one and only post on the topic and I will not respond to any comments made to or about me as I really don’t care. I know that what I write is the truth, and a statement of how I feel about the entire affair.

So, sit back and enjoy the ride (hum.. who else has made that statement?). Oh yea this is probably going to be a long post….

In January of 2007 I was cruising the internet looking into time travel theories when I came across the web site ttbrown.com. After reading a bit I because fascinated with the site and took up reading the chapters being written by Paul. At that point in time, Paul was still down the rabbit hole, and I became interested enough to actually contact him and ask if I could correspond with him regarding the book and characters he was writing about.

He suggested I join the forums, and from that point we kept up a constant chain of mail and PM contacts (I must admit as first mostly prompted by me), and we conversed about many topic related to Dr. Brown. Many months later he strangely asked me to look at some messages and see if I could see a common IP theme for them. Honestly, if I had known then what I know now… well maybe things would be different in my life.

Anyway, as I read the forums and watched his book grind towards completion, I found myself more and more drawn into the lives of the people in the story and started to communicate with others that were posting there.

First, Elizabeth Helen Drake, then Mr. Twigsnapper, and later Trick Fox, Mikado and a host of others that communicated through the forums and other means. As I read the story about all these people I found myself connecting with many of them in a way that was very uncharacteristic of me to the point that I shared my thoughts and life expreiences with many of the people involved, and often relayed feelings and convictions. All of which were way outside my character.

Through all that, I kept in contact with Paul and as things began to unravel for him, I promised him that I was his friend and would always have his back. By this time I also knew that Elizabeth Helen Drake was really Linda Brown and felt that she was someone who had not had a fair shake in life and therefore promised her that I would not betray her in any way and would help her however I could.

Yea, I know.. some of us are very foolish, but I had done just enough digging to find that much of what I read had at least some ring of truth, mixed with a heavy dose of intrigue.

Anyway, it was at this point that the war between Linda and Paul started and he wrote the “epic Fail” post on his web site. I won’t get into why, but I was somewhat responsible for the start of that affair, though I think that Paul had finally hit the tipping point and I was just the “flash” in the powder.

Funny, at that point I was in a conflict situation because I had made commitments to both of them to never break their trust which to me put me in the middle. Paul, basically told me to do what I had to do, but Linda in many ways tried to push me to take sides. After several weeks as a go-between and trying to get them both to fix the problem and work together, I realized that I would be forced to take sides and since I am truly a man of my word, dropped off the face of the TT Brown universe.

Yet, I stilled believed in the Magic of the story and felt that there was something important going on and that I maybe was needed. For the next two years I had no contact with anyone from the TT Brown group, but honestly thought about the story and players on an almost daily basis. The whole thing would just not go away.

I don’t know about Linda, but I am pretty sure that Paul felt I let him down; something that I regret to this day. But, I remained separated from them refusing to even log onto any of the forums or contact anyone from that area.

After two years (or so) of staying away, I found myself on the TTownsendBrown forums. It actually was not on a whim, although I do not remember who asked me to join the site. I had been there just a few weeks when mysteriously a PM showed up in my private message bin with pictures of the Gravitor attached. I was shocked! Who has sent this and why (I know now)? Paul was no longer in the picture, and the PM came from Mikado, but when I asked him if he sent it, it appeared to me that he was as shocked as I was.

Well, heck I was hooked again and I felt like this must be something that was meant to happen. Man, I jumped in with both feet.

Backing up just a second, it needs to be stated that back in the “Paul Days” I was led to believe that like Mikado, Paul and a few others, I had a special purpose to fill and would eventually be part of the “inner circle”! What me? I could see no logical reason for this as my specialty was more in the computer and people realms. Of course this was always in the back of my mind by now.

Back to the present! I was introduced to new members on the forums, re-united with old ones, and for a while all was well with the world. I was introduced to Plad, got to be good friends with Mikado and Trick Fox and Fred, conversed with Linda Brown on a daily basis and occasionally posted in the forums myself.

Then the shock of my life happened! One evening the phone rang and I was invited to a meeting with the core members of the Linda Brown team. My head spun, breath became short and for weeks I was in a state of euphoria. I even started engaging my wife in my discussions and turned a very skeptical person into someone who though the story of Dr. Browns life (including all the spy stuff) might be real.

Shortly before the trip though, something changed. Linda and Mikado started bickering and fighting and I once again found myself working with the two of them to try to fix whatever was wrong. I remember sitting there one day and realizing that the scenario was almost exactly the same as the fight between Paul and Linda, and I guess on that day I had my first doubts.

Sorry, but I must back up again for a second. Towards the end of my TTBrown Forum days, I was asked by Paul to be an administrator and help him out with the web site. It was not at a high level, but enough so that I had access to most of the site and was kind of watching over it when help was needed. Some things were just not right, but at the time I did not pay much heed to what was going on.

Anyway, shortly before I was invited on the “trip” I was asked to help out on the TTownsendBrown web site. Seems that there was a certain amount of hack attacks going on and there was much concern about the security of the site, and I was tasked with finding out what was at the root of the problems. My research kind of pointed to the site administrator, but when I was asked to make the call for sure, there was just not any conclusive evidence.

Funny, I remember feeling that there was a storm brewing and it was going to be a wild one. Man, how right I was about that. Just a week or two before the actual trip I received a call from Linda saying that “one of her contacts” had intercepted a conversation between the system admin and a third party confirming that they were the site security leak (I later found the truth), and to please remove all access to the web site from him.

The storm had begun! The rift between Mikado and Linda had grown to the breaking point, everyone on the forums was at Mikado’s throat and worse for me, Mikado (and a few others) felt that I was the cause of the web site fiasco and the actual architect of a “power grab” to take over the site and be Linda’s right hand man (so to speak).

Came time for the trip, and Mikado and Rose were not in attendance, but my wife and I finally met Linda and Dave (No Morgan, No Twigsnapper), and several others in the group. Of course I was on trial because of the Web site activities, and I could see the friction between Linda and Mikado just getting worse. What’s more, it seemed that Linda was suddenly targeting someone that she often told me was like a brother to her.

I have to say that there were just several things that did not fit, didn’t feel right and just enough out of sorts to finally make me think about other events. Still, I was on the inside, and maybe able to finally see what was true and not.

Later that year we invited Linda to our lake home for the 4thof July and prepared for a couple of days where I could just spend time with her to get a “true” picture of what was actually happening. Things on the forums were further disintegrating; Mikado had become somewhat cold towards me for reasons that at the time I did not understand.

I just want to make one note here. I never told any party I talked to what another had said to me, told me about or discussed with me, no matter how much I was pushed to do so.

The 4th of July came, along with Linda, and surprise.. Dave. Further surprising was the fact that some of the “members” knew he was coming before I did, which honestly shocked me, coupled with a call from Mikado telling me that he had a Fed-Ex package coming to my house that was specifically “for Linda’s eyes only”.

It was during that time that Linda whispered to me that Dave was in fact Morgan. I spoke with both of them at great length and many of the questions I asked were deflected or returned with vague replies. After they left to go north and meet Mikado, the package arrived. Mikado had asked me to not open the package and if it did not arrive while Linda was there to return it (unopened) to him. I called Linda to tell her that it was here and she wanted me to open it and read the contents to her. In the end I honored my word to Mikado and returned the envelope to him, never knowing the contents.

After they left, the doubts started growing. Things were just not right and I did not honestly believe that Dave could be Morgan. I am not directly a military man, but his bearing and knowledge were not what I was used to, and how he handled himself were not indicative of a Special Forces operative. Additionally his responses to questions I asked were not how someone with that background would respond.

Further, I started looking at the web site and many other things with the slowly dawning realization that many of the “things” I wanted to believe in were just not accurate, and some of the people I talked to on the forums were figments of my imagination.

It was shortly after that when Linda again “suggested” that I needed to choose sides, something she should have known by now that I would not do. I guess that is when I realized what hut I should truly belonged to; though before today I never chose a side. Since then, I can tell you that I backed up and re-examined many things, and have found that most if not all of what Mikado has been saying is true.

I guess at this point many who read this will wonder why I have written this after all the time that has passed. I have to answer this in three parts.

The first is fairly simple and straightforward. When Mikado re-opened the TTownsendBrown site, he invited me to participate in the technical discussions as I saw fit. In reviewing all the threads on the forums I came across the Kim VS Linda threads and was appalled when I saw the comments posted about Kim’s Son. My sister lost her son to a violent criminal act, and I have seen and understand the impacts of such an event, and the entire affair does not sit well with me.

Second, and this may sound strange to some at this point, but when I first became involved with the TTBrown site and became acquainted with Elizabeth Helen Drake, I found what seemed to be someone with a genuine interest in Dr. Brown’s life work, who only wanted to see that he received the credit that he deserved. As time went on the respect I had for the mild manned researcher made me feel that she was someone to get to know. Later, when I discovered that she was in fact Linda Brown, that perception did not change. In fact my respect for her increased because she seemed to really want the story of her father to come forward and as the story progressed I felt that she had lead an un-charmed life; and I could see some shades of my personal life reflected in her story.

Needless to say, I have seen that vision of Linda swirl down the drain, and I honestly hope that maybe as she reads my thoughts today she can see that she is lost, and needs to find her way home to us all.

Lastly, and I guess more importantly, it brought to the front the feelings that I and several other “old” forum and special members feel and share in common. I do not know that there are words to describe how sad, hurt, let down, betrayed and foolish some of us feel. I am not going to go into the gory details about the why of it, because I feel that if you read carefully, everything said by all parties, it should be evident to each individual what to believe or not believe.

So, here I am wishing I was given what I offer to all of you reading this post; the ability to go into this with your eyes and ears open to what is true and what is not!

Paul, if you ever read this, I hope you know where I have always stood.

The Traveler

P.S. I edited this post because I can't spell/spell Reality........

[StarCat]

Thank you for sharing your side of things Traveler.

Cat

[FM No Static At All]

Apology accepted!

[LuisP]

Sorry to intrude ...


You guys willing to move forward or ARE YOU just into popping up to settle old scores ?

I apologize, truly.... for this has nothing to do with me and I may be harshly judging it all.

But fact remains (and should therefore be noted !),

- You creep out of whatever rock you've been sleeping under ... just to "accept" apologies or "even" stories and/or provide "the ability" to eye "open" newbies ?

As if ...like, IT justifies your actions ?

I shite you not ...

THINK !

And show what you have ...

Then again, you might best crawl back under that beautiful rock you're so fond of, and where you self admitedly rested for years without caring, or .. yes, giving a shite, instead of using Mikado's and Kim's place to just parade your bruised egos !

And stay there !

Cheers,
LuisP

(looking at it from the outside ... with gloves off)

[LuisP]

I'm not a nice guy.

So what else is new ... ?

[Mikado14]

I don't know if you are a "nice guy" or not, Luis, but from my point of view you are an ill-informed and possibly quite opinionated individual whose outspoken quality is appreciated and yet burdensome. Your above post, perhaps your ignorance of the history, is a cause for my....intrusion.

The poster named Traveler I believe did a good, if not a fine job of relaying information that transpired over the past 7 years. I further believe he did a fine job of explaining why he...crawled from under a rock?...to explain his reasons for crawling from under said rock. I must agree that the apology from the other poster was trite for what you don't know, a direct apology was had prior to any posting and only serves to do exactly as you said, stroke an ego so I will comment on that no more.

However, Traveler's post I will comment on if only to aid in your education or perhaps just to offer an opposing point of view based upon history. You see, if you re-read, Traveler only stepped forward to comment after Linda's spiteful question whose sole purpose was to cause an intensification to the grief that Kim experiences on a daily basis for if Linda were truly asking out of compassion, as claimed, a compassionate person would have done so on a personal note such as a PM or an email. It was Linda's actions that prompted Traveler to say "no more" and come forward. Was Traveler under a rock prior to his post? I don't think so but then we may have a difference of opinion but my analysis of him was that he was disgusted and walked away a while back. I contacted him recently to mention that I was going to open the Hut back up for anyone who wished to post and might possibly post myself from time to time as you well know for it serves as a podium open to all.

For the record, there are three more individuals who could do exactly the same as Traveler has done. Those that are/were disgusted by the persistent and consistent lies, obfuscation of truth and the psychosis of an individual who has been wholesaling a story that has no foundation or substantiation of fact. Whose foundation is merely predicated upon wishful thinking and the continuation of childhood fantasy. The Forrest Gump approach of substantiation can only go so far but not one shred of evidence can be had, all the stories fall into nothing more than a wastebasket or as Paul Schatzkin puts it.....a cesspool. I believe you may if not have already have come to that conclusion your self. Continuing, these individuals invested time and money in support of Linda based upon all the wholesale stories and when the truth slowly became known after the appearance of the person named Morgan, they chose to walk away rather then confront. I was the only fool who stayed and continued in the back and forth rebuttal with Linda. I, to this day, continue to be berated by her and to what extent does it serve other than some mollification of her own childhood fantasy whose proof is that only one has to read as she continues to post comments in regard to myself. And one can only wander what ever happened to Andrew Bolland. He is one, and his wife Linda, whom I have compassion for in all this mess, an enterprising, intelligent individual who followed the psychosis longer than anyone...and what of him? Perhaps another rock crawled under but one needs to ask, why do so many of those connected with Linda go off under rocks? Perhaps it is better to go under them than to throw them for real enlightened individuals don't kick puppies.

Now, with all that going on why would anyone in their proper mind wish to post in the contrary to Linda Brown? Look at how she reacts on her forum to anyone who opposes her point of view...as the Queen of Hearts..off with their heads. Traveler will more than likely become a brunt of her verbal brutality and bullying and will only serve to reinforce the position that the other three have taken....Linda will go nowhere and continue to build a fantasy realm where her Father saved the entire world and their feeling is, and I must agree, let her have it. Perhaps she is correct and perhaps not but time has a way of being patient, just as water is a patient force, both together allow the mountains to wear down and the truth be uncovered.

Traveler's post was prompted by Linda's action. He decided to come...from under the rock....and say his piece after being quiet.

I think of the individual who walks away from a fight who feels that it takes more courage to do so but then turns around when the instigator decides to attack an innocent, they turn and come back to aide and in this case, speak the truth regardless of pissing anyone off and receiving retribution.

To paraphrase - "Bad men (or woman) need nothing more to compass their ends than that good men should look on and do nothing." - John Stuart Mill,

Ask your self this......Would you turn around to defend someone Luis even if it meant crawling from under a rock or would you remain silent?

Mikado

[LuisP]

To answer you, and not to engage in a kind back and forth postings on this subject, Of Course I would not be silent, Mikado, and would definitely crawl from under my rock !
And yes, I am ignorant about all this stuff, no wonder then to be opinionated and even out of line. Point taken. I deserved your “push & shove”. All things pondered, you were actually quite mild for maybe my “intrusion”, from where it came and with what it brought, was simply uncalled for. So, yes, I was indeed out of line.

This is true. And understood.

But since we are on the subject - and having already been deservedly lashed for it - maybe a few more lines towards self justification may be also understood as rightful, and now not only simply seen as me speaking out of my mouth.

On that assumption,

From where I come from, Actions and Deeds, not Words and Intentions, speak about You. So, I would never have crawled under a rock, in the first place. To all practical effects, with that, and my silence, helping to perpetuate a wrong.

That is called making a Choice.

To have chosen to not do so by reason of a - very self - code of “independence” translated by “not taking parties” is, in the face of Wrong, completely unfathomable. And even risible. For if a Wrong has been done and deemed Grave, there simply is no “neutrality”, meaning, no parties to choose from. There is only one party.

This is not an opinion. It is the truth, as I see it.

But that’s irrelevant. It is not that opinion, but the facts it stands upon, that are. Relevant, that is. And those, the facts, speak for themselves.

Years afterwards, to come forward and to – simply – express Mea Culpa’s on a Choice, now made because in the face of an even greater Wrong, means exactly that : that it was something one did when in the face of a wrong greater than the former, and therefore in no way justifiable of that initial Choice. For if with only that in mind, the Choice would keep on being the same that had been made years ago.

What was – or is – the point of bringing it up at all, except to piggyback and make excusable what had till then, to all effects, been “unexcused” for years ?
And for others to accept this as an “apology” says what, about what they also think of that initial Choice ? Or, more to the point, of the present – and disgusting, stomach revolting – Wrong ? Not a word ? As in, no need to have “turned around and defend” from it ? Just surface, then, also piggybacking present issues, to address former ones ?

What people do, or have done, regarding Linda Brown and her fantasies, what people believed and stopped believing for whatever reason or harm done, is not the issue here. That, for itself, didn’t make them “crawl back”, just crawl under.

If you and Kim make, and have for so long made perfectly clear, that such was not your Choice – and here yes, one as a bystander, or as “going in”, only has to either accept and come here or dismiss it and never appear- the same cannot be said, far as I go, of others who use, yes use, present Wrong to clean themselves of ancient ones. And have the gall to embellish it as some kind of “eye opening” to others. Who may decide to “go into this”, whatever that "this" is.

So, if what is at stake is an old evening of scores, just leave it at that and do not take unto you the disgrace we have all seen as a justification for it. That, from where I come from, is almost as bad as having remained silent for years, or using another's Wrong to right our owns.

Enough.
I said my piece.

Only showed up here, on this thread, because all this was being done publicly anyway, and as a poster of this site I simply could not remain “neutral”. The Wrong done to Kim simply could not be thrown into the same bag, much less used as a stepping stone !

Even at the risk of being, deservedly, lashed for it.

Since my justification has been pretty opinionated – as it had to be - and its weight may be simply too burdensome, something I also understand, no ill feelings from me if you decide it best for me to leave. That being so, the cat o’nine tails is in your hand.

From where I stand, I owed you an explanation. Public.
It is done.

[TheTraveler]

Greetings LuisP!

While I said I was not going to respond in any way, I will comment on your last post because you bring your views to the table in a thoughtful and meaningful way.

I think that in one way you either did not understand fully what I wrote, or chose not to consider the point that I tried to convey. I did not crawl out from under a rock as you put it, on a whim. I made a commitment to three people through the course of my "adventures" in the Townsend Brown affair to never violate their trust, and always protect them and have their back.

For me, giving my word to someone is everything, and not something that you easily or ever break. So, given that stance LuisP, what was I to do? Any participation or comments in the defense of one or the other party in public would violate that trust and put me in the position of taking sides; something that I refused to do. I had already tried to help all parties resolve their differences, and soon realized that it was not going to happen.

Yes, I knew Linda was on the wrong side of this, but to speak ill of her was to break my word, and to continue to associate with her was akin to living a falsehood. All this time I have remained silent and on the sidelines out of respect for Linda, and that remained true until she crossed one of my invisible lines.

I will tell you two things here. First, I did not post out of any self fulfilling reasons, nor to seek the approval of anyone for perceived wrongs I may have committed. I did what I knew was right at the time, and as any man should, took responsibility for my mistakes and made appropriate amends. Second, my post was intended to help those who do not know what to believe, or worse took someone's word on mostly blind faith, for the latter to me is the worst sin of all.

I am a person of principal, and therefore to stand in a foxhole and protect someone's back is a two way street and should be a strong commitment that carries with it the responsibility to stand strong even at the pearl of one's family or for that matter life. To suddenly find yourself standing alone is not only a shock, but can break the will of many a man (or woman). But do you know what is worse? To suddenly feel the knife in your back, driven by someone that you trust and have faith in.

So, that is why I finally posted. So that others at least have the opportunity to realize that trust should be given at their own risk!

So tell me LuisP, how would you walk in my shoes?

The Traveler

P.S. No offense given or taken.

[LuisP]

Hello Traveler, and Greetings to you too !

First of all, may I say nice to see you? After all, to comment a post is no extraordinary thing … inside a poster’s forum ! Quite the opposite, actually.
May I also say that I honestly hope it starts a trend, meaning, others out there decide it’s high time to quit their comfy - or divided - posture, whatever, and move, decidedly, forward to a place where to set their feet !

If you really want me to answer “what were you to do”, or for me to address the “two things” you wanted to tell me, or, indeed, to have me clarify how would I “walk in your shoes” …. I’m very glad to oblige. Matter of fact, not only that.

I welcome the opportunity.

And yes, absolutely, no offense taken and also none ever intended ! Kindergarten is two blocs further down the road, and I, for one, am very glad to be able to speak clearly without concerns for etiquette or any other such qualms. So I will tell you my mind, because what I posted before answers the gist of your questions. I would just be repeating myself. But I can, and will, clarify it further.

Take it as you will. It is highly (ahem) opinionated.

The search for equilibriums and consensus is no virtue, just a demonstration of inability to face adversity. Further, to avoid taking sides in a situation where wrong and harm has been done is even worse for it can be perceived as plain lack of vertebrae. And usually is. Moreover,

when on top of all this, equal treatment is dispensed to different “trustings”, one true and the other betrayed … … to then invoke “violation of trust” or “breaking a word” as a justification for maintaining equilibrium and not choose a side, that Traveler, is beyond my capacity to justly address as a path I would put my shoes into for I walk my walk making Choices and taking Sides, you see.

Yes, dilemmas are terrible. That is why they are called dilemmas and not certainties. The latter are simple. The former aren’t. They require a lot more exertion from one’s vertebrae.

Especially so when it was a so called Friend who did Wrong or caused Harm. For that is precisely the time to get out of the “foxhole”. Not to stay in it. And if by so acting Respect is questioned, then it did not exist in the first place, Respect, and so friendship was but an illusion, something, at best, misplaced, because true friends never feel disrespected by another who stands against their wrongdoing. The exact opposite happens.

Am I telling you something you don’t know ? I do not presume so. For all this is what can be called simple human decency, which is a Natural thing, therefore ubiquitous.

And while I don’t know you and may be therefore completely wrong, I already made a choice of trust in this. For I am in no doubt that you, Traveler, are a "person of principal”. Why ? because, to me, it comes across crystal clear you really do believe you did the best you could in a difficult situation.

Thing is, you did not. Face it. Stop trying to open other people’s eyes and open yours instead. Respect is only due to those who respect themselves first, and others after. It is not written in stone but in truth, meaning, it has variable geometry. As long as you follow it, you will always be right. Meaning, no one owns the truth and set it in granite!

As to giving trust, and doing it blindly ?

It is always given at one’s own risk. No one else’s. Plain enough, it is, no need for you to emphasize it. Especially amongst grown ups, which I believe everyone here is.

That is why it is also always up to whomever gave it, to reclaim it back. And in so doing, taking Sides, yes, and making Choices. No big deal, just following the geometry, that is all.

If it took all this for you to climb out of that lonesome foxhole, well, so be it. And from where I stand, allow me this presumption, welcome to you, for high time it is. Hope to see a lot of you, from now onwards.

“how would I walk in your shoes?”

I have just told you.

But I’m a sanctimonious prick, I’ve been told.

[kevin]

Noticed that Traveler was viewing the site today, and that led Me to read this thread again.
I feel like I am in a time loop , where similer consequences are happening to others that have now happened to Myself????

I didn't fully read travelers opening post when He made it( I tend to skim lots....dyslexia)
So I just forced Myself to read it fully, I cannot help but feel as though something is missing, like a cog out of a wheel?

It is a similer feeling about 9/11 , it doesn't compute, and the resultant trauma was used to enable what occured, but the actual method of those towers vanishing has never been actually looked at correctly...YET.
That same sense is what I am feeling about this whole TT Brown senario, the actual realities don't compute...YET.
Kevin